My Goddamn Nuts!
by CanaanAlphardForever
Summary: Ymir is a squirrel and Krista-... wait, what? YmirxKrista, weird oneshot.


Author's Note: This is what happens when two awesome people converse XD We were talking about squirrels, and then nuts, and then Ymir and then somehow this idea was born.

* * *

A shrill cry broke the peaceful silence, and then a small, brown ball of fur blurred past and tackled another brown ball of fur, though smaller. No one took notice as the balls of fur rolled around in aggression, crying out in anger and pain.

"Let it go!" The attacker yelled.

"No!" The victim replied.

They scuffed together some more until the victim gave up with a huff and scurried off. "You are damn nuts!" It shouted.

"No, but these are my nuts!" The attacker yelled back and triumphantly held two nuts up in the air. The other simply shook its head and climbed the side of a tree and into a hole, where it shook an angry, small fist, and then disappeared.

The nut wielder smirked in satisfaction and then zipped off onto the sidewalk to cross the road, where her own tree resided in front of stores. Before she could get far a sudden thud filled the air and a splitting pain evaded her senses. A second later she collapsed, nuts rolling away until they bumped against a pair of boots.

"What was that?" Standing over the fallen figure, a blonde with pretty blue eyes and a worried frown glanced down to see what she had accidentally kicked. "A squirrel!" she quickly crouched down and reached out for the squirrel, but it had rushed to its feet and made for the nuts. "I'm sorry little squirrel." The blonde said in remorse, near to tears that she had hurt a defenceless, cute little animal. Noticing the squirrel's panic to retrieve her nuts, the blonde snatched them up.

"No!"

The blonde froze and blinked. "Who said that?"

"My nuts!" The voice yelled again. "They're my goddamn nuts!"

The blonde glanced down to the agitated squirrel sitting on her behind, glaring – actually glaring – at the human cradling her nuts. "Squirrel?"

"My name isn't Squirrel. It's Ymir. Now give my nuts back." Ymir's nose twitched in irritation and she gave her fluffy tail a twitch.

"Krista! What are you doing?" Someone yelled from behind them.

Krista blinked again and looked over her shoulder. "I'll be there now, guys!" she yelled back and then returned to staring in shock at the small, furious creature. "Squirrel… you…"

"Ymir. I'm Ymir. And those are my nuts. Give my fucking nuts back!"

Krista tilted her head to the side and examined the two nuts sitting in her palm. Was she dreaming? High? Drunk? Maybe she was dead or something… but a talking squirrel?

What the actual fuck.

"Um, Ymir. Are you actually talking?"

The squirrel covered her face with her furry paws. "Yes! Is there any other squirrel here? Now please, my nuts. I want my damn nuts."

Krista felt flabbergasted and resisted the urge to faint. "But… but you're talking and you… s-s-squirrel…"

"But they're my goddamn nuts! I just wrestled them off of another jerkface and now I have to argue with a monkey. Why do you want my nuts so badly? They're not yours!" Ymir flailed about, voice pitchy because, you know, she was a squirrel.

"Um…" Krista's face contorted in confusion, and then she started to laugh. "I must be dreaming!" She exclaimed, desperate to explain the talking animal.

"Yeah, dreaming, whatever. My nuts please!"

Krista nodded and reached out with the hand containing the nuts, open and palm up. Ymir wasted no time in snatching the nuts, shoving them in her mouth, one in each cheek, and then sending Krista one more deathly adorable glare before she twitched her nose and ran off.

"Krista. Krista? Hey, Krista!"

Krista shot up in bed, gasping and blinking. "What?"

Ymir rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "Welcome back to the world of the living." The brunette commented.

"Ymir?" Krista looked around, realizing that she was in bed, in the room she shared with her lover, Ymir. Her human, though grumpy, non-squirrel Ymir. "What time is it?"

"It's 6 PM. Why didn't you set an alarm or something? I couldn't get in the house." Ymir walked to the cupboard and started stripping. She carelessly dropped her dirty clothes on the floor and kicked her shoes off too. "I tried waking you by banging on the door but for once you slept like a damn rock. The only open window was this one. Did you know what I had to do?" Ymir glanced over at Krista, glaring and waiting for the blonde to respond.

"What did you have to do, Ymir?" Krista asked in a sigh. She was still shaking from the shock of the dream and the disorientation of being woken up.

"I had to climb up the tree like some damn squirrel and jump through the window. I swear, next time you do this I'll throw you in the pool." Now naked, with a towel in one hand and clean clothes in the other, Ymir went out of the room and down the hall into the bathroom. Krista followed.

"I'm sorry about that Ymir. I got off early today and I thought I could make dinner for us, but I ended up taking a nap and sleeping the day away. I'm really sorry." Krista called out.

"Yeah, yeah." Ymir responded over the sound of spraying water. "Just don't do it again and I'll forgive you."

Krista entered the bathroom and hopped up unto the sink counter. She clasped her hands together and thought about her odd dream. "Ymir, about what you mentioned earlier, about squirrels…"

Ymir paused in her hair scrubbing and opened the shower curtain to give Krista a confused look and a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, what of it?"

"You actually woke me up from a dream."

Ymir grinned. "Ooooh. Was it a naughty dream?" She returned her head to under the torrent of water and rinsed the shampoo from her hair, and then she paused and frowned. "But what about the squirrel? You don't have some squirrel fetish, do you? 'Cause I love you and all, but I don't think I would be cool with that shit."

Krista swung her legs and rolled her eyes. "No. Why are you even including squirrels into your constantly gutter submerged mind?"

Ymir grumbled in reply and started running a soap covered sponge over her bronze, muscled body. "Yeah, okay. What about a squirrel then?"

"I had a dream that you were a squirrel and I was walking on the sidewalk and accidentally kicked you over. I bent down and took these nuts, but then you started yelling at me to give your goddamn nuts back. You were so damn upset about not having your nuts, and I was so confused."

From the shower Ymir remained silent, but the shower suddenly shut off and a tall, wet figure lumbered out. Ymir approached Krista and gave her a long stare. Krista blushed, since Ymir was naked and right in front of her and she could see everything, because Ymir didn't care to cover herself.

Suddenly Ymir burst out laughing. "At least you kept me in character! I'm pretty sure that if I was a squirrel and someone took my nuts, I'd be pissed." She shook her hair out much like a dog would, laughing again at Krista's yell in protest, and then wrapped her waist with a towel.

"Well, it was a weird dream. You were a cute squirrel though…"

"Me? I think you would be the cute squirrel between the two of us."

Krista giggled and Ymir leaned back to give her a sweet kiss. "So, let's make something together tonight. Maybe something with… nuts?" Ymir asked with a grin.

Krista jumped down onto the floor and rolled her eyes. "Very funny Ymir."

"It's damn hilarious."

They left the bathroom and after Ymir dressed, occupied the kitchen to make something edible for the night. Funny enough, they ended up using nuts anyway.


End file.
